i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
