i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
