god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
