tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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