who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
