So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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