I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
