i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
