There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
