i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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