The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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