real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
