So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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