so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
