Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
