I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
