The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
