Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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