The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
