she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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