So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
