My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
