38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
