I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He felt like a one man threesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
