Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
