I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
