I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
