I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
