I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
