Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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