I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
