We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
