I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
