I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
