Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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