i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
