I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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