I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
