I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
