I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
