So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
