there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
