my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
