she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
