i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
