Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
