He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
