For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
