You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
