If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
