my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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