We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
