Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
