Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
