My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
