i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
