just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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