I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
