the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
