OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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