She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
