three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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