I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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