last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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